Mayonnaise

“Happy birthday to you …” sang a crowd of my friends while my son carved my birthday cake into crumbs. “What are we going to do?” my wife groaned. I gave her a blank look, distracted by the letter from my agent telling me my new book’s pre-release reviews were a disaster. “I know!” Our daughter opened the refrigerator door. “We’ll glue the crumbs together with mayonnaise! Dad puts mayonnaise on everything.” I wondered if using a pseudonym could help with the reviews. “What if I used ‘mayonnaise?’ White, semi-solid, and opaque. Sounds like ingredients for a spellbinding alter ego.”